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Welcome to Men'Do's Travel Stories & Advice Column where one of Tamriel's most famous (or perhaps infamous) adventuring Khajiit, Men'Do, shares stories of his travels and offers words of wisdom. In our third volume, Men'Do discusses shares his thoughts on the languages of Tamriel, the mysteries of shadows, and more!
Men'Do first started sharing his wisdom on the ESO Subreddit some moons ago. There were so many requests from all around Tamriel for more of the charming and enigmatic Khajiit that we were happy to oblige. (This is a fan-written column that we will publish every couple weeks on elderscrollsonline.com.)
So, remember when Men'Do said he heard a heavy gate unlatch down by the waterfront? It seems that it is some sort of service access to sewer system of the Imperial City! Not sure why they were only recently unlocked, but all the bustling war generals of each alliance have opened these up for their troops to move through. This is what Men'Do heard, and fortunately he is actually good friends with the couple of soldiers who happened to be using it right then! Naturally, Khajiit investigates the tunnels further. With the aid of his friends, he gave the minions of Molag Bal a good swat to the whiskers, even venturing to the deadly center of the sewerworks! The horrors lurking there are beyond description, but not beyond a good kick in the boot. After slaying them, he sat down to answer more questions from readers like you! That is to say, he is doing this presently. We begin!
Frozstee asks "Bright moons Men'Do! This one has perhaps less of a question, more of a curiosity of preference. Zarum is an avid ... "adventurer." This Khajiit has preferred to follow in the footsteps and teachings of the Silent Walker, cunning and quick, yes? Zarum wonders if Men'Do has ever dipped his paw into the shadows?"
Many greetings, friend Frozstee! This one can offer a few insights and warnings into the use of shadow, limited as his experience may be.
While every kittens knows the basics of stealth, crouching “just so" to keep prying eyes at bay, the cleverest ones know also how to wrap shadows about their form and hide anywhere, even somehow with light shining on them! Men'Do's own brother is skilled in this magic, and even showed him the terrible horrors of its power. One moment, Men'Do was standing still in the open air of Redfur Trading Post, the next he was shrouded in pure blackness, darker than even those nights when Jone and Jode have waned completely! Men'Do stared into the void, but does the void stare back? No! It is empty! It does nothing! Very rude!
Anywho, that was all the shadows this one cared to handle. So if you venture down this path of secrecy and "adventuring" (and Men'Do is pretty sure he understands your hidden meaning), be prepared for things to be rude and everything to feel empty.
FVLegacy asks "Have you ever met a Khajiit Werewolf? If so, what were they like?"
Yes, Men'Do has met one or two in his time. Maybe more, because Khajiit are better at keeping secrets than most. They are like all others who fall victim to the Hungry Cat's traps. Dangerous to themselves and others. If this was meant to be joke about cat and dog, maybe you do not take such things seriously enough! Maybe you have not had loved ones turned into savage fur-beasts of snapping teeth and angry claws. Maybe you should cherish the luxury of being able to make such jokes so freely!
Laughs-at-all asks "Why are Khajiit the PvP gods? Praise the buffs."
Come now, there is no need to lavish such worship on buff Khajiit. No matter how rippley the biceps, toned the stomach, or glorious the glute! Do not get Men'Do wrong, he always appreciates the attention, but there is no need to be indecorous!
Still, this one understands. You wish also to be muscular and svelte! Well, let it never be said that Khajiit cannot give good advice for looking your best, whatever "best" is for you. First, remember to get in regular habit of exercise. Once a week okay, twice a week better, most days of the week best! Not each day, however, that is too many. You must also take days off for rest, reclining, and resuscitation!
Next, figure out what kind of muscley one you wish to be! Perhaps you wish only for largeness, even if this comes with little bit of fat? Then you must find heaviest weights, and lift these! If you do not have access to artisan stonecrafter or public athletics field, large rocks, fallen trees, these things might help even those living in unrefined conditions to achieve refined bodies. Maybe you are looking for slimmer build? Try lifting much smaller weights, but very many times! Or, go for many runs, do push-ups, dance (Men'Do's favorite), and other things with only your body. You will still probably get larger a little bit, but mostly you will only get very good muscle tone. If you seek something in between, exercise in between these extremes! That is how Men'Do do, and it works pretty good for him.
While the clever kitten will desire more detailed help from professional athlete, these suggestions make for solid foundation to build on! Then, after many moons, you can be expert at what is called as "PvP." (Men'Do likes to pronounce this "P'vvvvvvvvvvvp" because it makes his lips feel funny afterward.) Now if only this one could figure out what "PvP" was. Portal Violation Prerogative? Prayerful Voidstone Punching? Protonymic Vindication Protocol? Probably Violent Person? Perhaps we will never know.
Marcus_Vini asks "What do you think about the Mane? His spiritual guidance is helping the Khajiit or do you prefer someone more "warrior" leader?"
Men'Do thinks maybe he would have stronger opinion on this if he heard of the Mane doing anything at all. Is it the Mane, or the Clan Mother Mizaba-ko who figured out how the Flu spread during our recent struggle? Is it the Mane, or Rathuni-la Dawnwhisker who first made the sorghum tea that brought relief to the suffering? Is it the Mane, or Lord Gharesh-ri who organized the Mane's Legion to keep order during the worst of the crisis? The Mane's own legion!
Maybe this one is biased from spending some of his youth in Torval, but he much prefers the leadership of Khajiit like Gharesh-ri to that of Grand High Mane What-Does-He-Even-Do. Sure, maybe as Speaker for the Mane, Gharesh-ri is only suppressing the Mane's contributions for personal political gain ... but this one doubts it.
CodeAlpha asks "Hail, Men'do! My companions and I spend a lot of time travelling around Tamriel together. One of my favorite parts is listening to people's tales, or reading them myself as I find books and notes on our journeys. One of my companions, however, is a horrible listener. Anytime someone begins to makes a request of him, he just shouts "OK" and runs off and does it! (How he knows what the request is without having heard it is beyond me. Something about a "magic compass.")
My question is, how can I suggest to this friend that he take some time to listen to others ... read literature ... and enjoy his time travelling in Tamriel? He considers it a waste of time, but I am sure he would appreciate his journey more if he took it a little slower.
Thank you, friend!"
Ah, this is very difficult problem indeed! Men'Do himself enjoys speaking with everybody he meets, reading All The Things, and other pastimes, but also it can be nice to rush around, solve problems with haste and violence, and generally let the world fly by in chaotic spin of effervescent color. It is especially true that if you are only just beginning your adventuring career, it can be important to be the speedy kitten! Haste is necessary for things such as carving the market niche, acquiring piles of coin, taking on the greatest challenges before they become old and boring for all who would help you, and more!
Now, do not misunderstand Khajiit. He thinks your friend should try slowing down. Little bit. But also you should try speeding up! If you always adventure together, this would be pleasant balance, yes? Compromise is important in all friendships. Besides, if you are clever, you could always go back later and become eight-fold conversationalist, should this path please you. Probably you would get bored after two, but always it is wise to keep options open! This one hopes such advice is pleasing to the ear like the last measure of your favorite song, full of resolved conflict and sense of fulfillment. If no, Men'Do does not give refunds. Many apologizes!
Ra'Zakhar Vashad asks "Of all of the lands of Tamriel you have visited, which languages do you find the most appealing and/or interesting?"
Oh, Men'Do could never pick, all are such precious treasures of invention! He may tug the ear of Imperials now and again for their playing at empire, for instance, but it is foolish to deny that they cleverly designed a language which can be pronounced by most of the races of Tamriel. Then there are the glorious words of old Yokudan tongues, though apparently not many speak this anymore. Each kind of elf has some fascinating affectations that are pleasing to the ear. And let us not forget the subtle susurrations of friend Saxhleel's native Jel! Everyone has something important to contribute to this, and Khajiit recommends enjoying all of them in their turn.
Probably this one's favorite, however, if he had to pick (and it appears he must!) is what is called as "body language." Much more interesting to communicate like this! And who is best at this? Well, maybe Saxhleel, with the raising of their spines and such, but also definitely Khajiit. Speaking of, Men'Do believes he recognizes you from the Souls of Tamriel publication! Are you not the one working on a translation guide to Ta'agra for the other races? Men'Do suggests that all readers seeking insight into the Ta'agra tongue look for this resource, very helpful!
HappyFester asks "If I toss a ball of yarn does it work like a taunt against Khajiit?"
A dangerous gambit, for sure. On the one paw, of course most Khajiit do not go chasing after string like they were still kittens. That is foolishness and we all laugh at you for trying! On the other, we understand that this is subtle insult, at least as subtle as your kind is capable of. This can provoke quite a bit of inner hissing and ragefulness, but most Khajiit know better than to break social protocol and attack you only for words. Most Khajiit. For those with little temperance, this might work and cause them to strike. In those cases, yes, it was taunt all along! Men'Do hopes it was worth the bite marks.
Oh no! There is a crackle in the air and a loud whumping suck-noise coming from behind this one! Could it be that the minions of Molag Bal have already returned? Can Men'Do face them down a second time? Did they bring better shiny trinkets for him to snatch if he is victorious once more? Probably yes to all. In the meantime, enjoy these idle musings and suggestions from a humble battle-cat, and send in more when you get the chance! It is always a pleasure to hear from you.
We hope you enjoyed the latest volume of Men'Do's Travel Stories & Advice Column! If you have a question or request for advice from Men'Do, look for his threads on our official forums and the ESOTU subreddit. We'll see you soon for the next installment!
